Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
