I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
