so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
