Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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