He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
