i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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