I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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