I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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