i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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