there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
