I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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