Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
