my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
