Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
