you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
