what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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