I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
