they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
