do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
that is very illegal...i love you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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