1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Did I show you my penis last night?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
