Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
