So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
