she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
