ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
