so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
