His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize