she woke up with a sticky ear
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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