dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
