she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize