My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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