I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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