I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
