is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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