there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
