Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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