Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
