My first STD was from a foam party
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
