And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
do nipples grow back?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
