Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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