Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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