Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
