I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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