You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
