I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
