I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
