I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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