i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
