I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
