I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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