dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
