Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
