I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
