i think my tv is drunk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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