I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
