My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
