He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
