I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize