You're so nebulous sometimes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
