in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
