Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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