is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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