im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
