Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
