Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
