I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
