I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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