Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
