Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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