Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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