I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
