From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
