woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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