Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
