I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
