i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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