i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
