How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Couch. On fire.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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