she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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